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teo_sherry{at}hotmail{dot}com
HO HO HO! SURPRISE SURPRISE!
i just like to vend my frustrauations out. that's all.
apparently left 3 more months to a's.
ain't comforting.
i dint know that for such a short period of time, many things can just take place.
i tell ya, all it takes is one month.
friday was the moment that i had a breakdown.
was stupid and silly when i think back.
but u've just gotta have these moments.
or i'll just crack.
no one knew, cept one.
i duno.
i dun want to appear weak.
silly thought.
but then agan, u cant actually blame on me.
who wants to appear weak when everybody is acting strong.
that's just my perception.
i m always telling people around not to be naive.
but i never take a good look at myself.
im actually the naive one.
to think that i always thought that i am a mature person.
a confident one, with enough air to even spur on the less confident ones.
yeah right.
who am i supposed to kid, myself i guess.
i thought i really knew me, but God has helped to self check and re-check.
i guess it only comes to this age when u finally understood things and can reason out yourself.
but then again, perhaps when i look back in the future, i will laugh heartily at this entry.
in fact, im proud that i was naive and now i know.
one month.
one month i took to prepare for my prelims.
one month i stayed at home, mugged my way through.
one month that i would say practically cut my relations with people.
wow.
i actually went into "hiding" that i planned to.
my agenda was to concentrate on one thing, and i did.
didnt actually got my expected results and worse still, had a great disappointment.
one month yeah, and i got a shock.
i wouldnt say im really sad... wouldnt be bothered bout it.
then something else i had to know that struck the final cord.
why?
why?
i have always look upon them from the begining of last year.
i always had that silent faith in all of us, that we are the best.
nothing could spoil the bond and we shall mug our way through and beat the highest record.
someone said that the higher your hopes are, the greater your disappointment.
how true.
and apparently, this skeptism and doubt and distrust within me is building.
Dear Lord, pls forgive me.
Erase whatever thoughts i have about them.
Prove me wrong Lord.
But honestly, i was proven right.
It was and is a facade.
I can't believe it.
That's the feeling i got and am getting
Distant distant.
It doesn't matter now.
I understand.
I am the way i am, its up to the rest.
Im true to who i am, i know. ha ha.
Im just sad.
terribly upset
and wonder why...
...
...
No man is an island himself.
I am not island. So i guess i would survive.